I think my vagina is haunted
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
