lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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