i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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