3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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