Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
