Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
