I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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