I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
