On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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