Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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