Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
