I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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