Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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