who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
