It's Friday. Sex?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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