she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
