Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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