Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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