I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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