Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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