no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
