why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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