so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
