mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
