don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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