If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize