I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
