I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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