I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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