So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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