And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
