Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
