I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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