i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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