I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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