Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
