im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
