One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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