I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I could make wine with my vomit
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
