You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
