Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
