Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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