just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
