he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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