Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
