You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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