Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
