well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
