OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
