i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
