I could make wine with my vomit
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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